Two Old Bats in the Belfry
Two Old Bats in the Belfry
The Silent Fart Chronicles
Ready for some honest, unfiltered humor about getting older? Shelley G and Vicki Z are back with their signature candor in this laugh-out-loud episode of "Two Old Bats in the Belfry."
Ever heard that flatulence doesn't smell on airplanes? Shelley emphatically debunks this myth through hilarious personal anecdotes that will have you giggling in recognition. Meanwhile, Vicki confesses to being taken in by this falsehood, leading to some questionable in-flight decisions during her coast-to-coast travels. Their frank discussion about bodily functions cuts through social niceties with refreshing honesty.
Hi everyone, this is Shelly G and Vicki Z and we are Two Old Bats in the Belfry.
Speaker 1:Hi listeners, it's Vicki and Shelly back again to tickle your fancy and other things. Hopefully Do you still remember how I rhetorical question I know, okay, we're back because we need a little laughter and a little joy with everything that's going on. We want you to listen to what we have to say and hopefully get a little bit of a chuckle and, if not, right v, and if not, go fuck yourself. Yeah, right, okay, okay, what do you want to talk about today? I don't know. We have a number you want to talk about today.
Speaker 2:I don't know. We have a number of things to talk about, none of which are not funny. They're all funny.
Speaker 1:I do like the sounds and smells that come out of old people, because we are now old people.
Speaker 2:I didn't realize that. It's the same way that I didn't realize that I was getting older when I was 28 and got the chicken pox.
Speaker 2:That's when I realized I would yeah, that's when I realized I was vulnerable. You know, I used to envision myself in the wild, wild west and nobody would kill me because I was a schoolmarm. But you know, yeah, I know, don't there. But anyway, I just realized that I was getting older and that I was in a certain group of people for whom, as you have told me many times, there is no place in this world anymore, except for the boulders.
Speaker 1:Well we're getting closer to our perpetuity condo? Yes, we are. And are you seeing all these commercials on television for all these body deodorants? I didn't even know we had all those places on our body where we could smell.
Speaker 2:I didn't either, and they're singing them. I know their crack, their butt, their pits and other body parts. How bad do people smell?
Speaker 1:anyway. Well, you don't have to be old to smell.
Speaker 2:Absolutely not, and some people are more prone to perspiration odor than others. I never had that problem.
Speaker 1:No see, I really don't either, but I was always like a nervous wreck that I would be emanating an odor from somewhere in my body yeah, but I didn't start worrying about that until recently when I silent fart all the time someone had told me but deadly.
Speaker 2:Silent but deadly. Somebody told me once that when you're on an airplane and you fart, nobody smells it. It, it. There's some kidding. No, there's something about the air in a plane or something. No, that is so false. Well, the first time I went to an airplane after I heard that I was letting it rip all over the place and I couldn't smell it, so I figured nobody else could, when I used to come back and forth from New York to the West Coast.
Speaker 1:That's a long trip too, yes, I always sat behind somebody who ate tacos before he got on the plane and then on purpose no, I think just because he liked them. But once he got on the plane he went to the vicky school of farting.
Speaker 2:Did he make you hungry with the taco bar, please?
Speaker 1:Do you know how many times I gagged? I needed a vomit bag and I was not afraid to fly Really. So whoever told?
Speaker 2:you that little?
Speaker 1:bubba mizer. They probably lied about it.
Speaker 2:I'm sure they did, because that made me so happy.
Speaker 1:I thought, oh, I don't have to have, you know, like abdominal pain while I'm flying, well as my lovely husband's family who, while I'm flying, well as my lovely husband's family, who were crazy the three brothers were crazy used to say how do you know? No, he said, does farting have chumps? Oh my.
Speaker 2:God, yes, maybe they do Well.
Speaker 1:Do they? Let's hope they don't.
Speaker 2:Let's hope they don't Okay.
Speaker 1:But when I watch these commercials also, first of all the jingles stay in my head.
Speaker 2:Oh really. I mean they're doing Broadway shows now on these commercials Between medications and deodorants. It's absolutely disgusting and, like you, I find myself singing the jingles and it's so upsetting really.
Speaker 1:And it keeps me up at night. Yeah, because I get it in my head and I can't get it out and you can't get it out.
Speaker 2:And then the other thing, of course, is that the side effects from some of these medications by the time you end up reading the side effects. You'd rather die of whatever you're taking the medicine for.
Speaker 1:It's true, it's scary, it's very scary. Well, like we've always said, getting old is not for the squeamish?
Speaker 2:No, it's not, and it's not for sissies either. It is not Because, as I'm realizing, things are starting to change and in my head and my grandmother used to say this to me all the time I don't feel my age.
Speaker 2:I look in the mirror and I see the same way, yeah and and so when something happens and something's a little off kilter, you're a little taken aback. So I just think that, um, they've got to find a way to change these commercials and make something a little nicer. I'm so sick of those jingles. I really, really am. I agree.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think we should start walking with like maybe permanent perfume.
Speaker 2:Oh, absolutely, just to make sure that they're okay. Or we can spray somebody else. If they stink, just go up and there you go. Sorry, but we couldn't tolerate it. Okay, fleur de lis, I know Well, you know what People in Europe tend not to use any kind of.
Speaker 1:And they're okay with their.
Speaker 2:Sometimes, they are, they are.
Speaker 1:They're okay with their odors?
Speaker 2:Yes, they are. They're okay with their own? Yes they are, but that does not thrill me because it really grosses me out. But then again, well, speaking of, I was watching a program on HGTV last night. They were moving to the Caribbean. So this guy is selling them a house and he says and it was a beautiful house and the price was right. The only thing was their property was on one of two nude beaches. So therefore, if their grandchildren came, they would have to realize that there were going to be nude people right on the beach. Oh, my god, I got so hysterical.
Speaker 1:Can you imagine? Well, I went to the nude beach. You did On the East Coast.
Speaker 2:Nude no.
Speaker 1:I would not take my clothes off?
Speaker 2:Yeah, I wouldn't either, and I was in good shape.
Speaker 1:This is many years ago.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I wouldn't either.
Speaker 1:But my dentist was there without his clothes, which I didn't need to see Open, seriously, I mean, he dropped Trow when he got out of the car. Oh God who would have died. We were on a Caribbean cruise. People don't go there, though, for sexual reasons. They go there because they want to be free.
Speaker 2:No, I know, Let me tell you something.
Speaker 1:Most of them should not take their clothes off.
Speaker 2:This is true. I would feel right at home there, but I just can't. I think it's wonderful. The first time we ever saw a nude beach or had that experience. We were on a cruise in the Caribbean and we went to change and when my husband opened the door to the changing room, there was a woman standing there topless and he started drooling like a dog in a heat boy. And I, just when I saw the people nude, I just couldn't get over that they have so little worry about their bodies which I think is fantastic.
Speaker 1:It's really not sexual. No, it's not sexual.
Speaker 2:But, they may be comfortable.
Speaker 1:Yeah, we're not and we'll leave you with this.
Speaker 2:Remember age is mind over matter.
Speaker 1:If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.