Two Old Bats in the Belfry
Two Old Bats in the Belfry
Beyond the Beer Belly: Finding Love in the Twilight Years
What does dating look like when you've got decades of life experience behind you? Shelley G and Vicki Z, the self-proclaimed "Two Old Bats in the Belfry," tackle this question with unflinching honesty and their signature humor that will have you laughing out loud.
The duo dives deep into what they'd look for in a "silver fox" if they were suddenly single again. Both agree that a good sense of humor ranks among the most essential qualities, along with basic human decency and the absence of excessive nose hair (a surprisingly important factor, as it turns out!).
Their perfect first date? Nothing fancy – just coffee in a public place to check for "beer bellies" and assess basic compatibility before moving to a quiet, intimate dinner where they can actually hear each other talk. The conversation takes hilarious turns as they joke about seeking 90-year-olds "with one foot on a banana peel," debate the merits of remarriage versus companionship, and share clean but laugh-out-loud jokes that showcase their vibrant personalities.
Hi everyone, this is Shelly G and Vicki Z, and we are Two Old Bats in the Belfry.
Speaker 2:Hi guys, today's topic for Miss Vicki and myself, since we're a little older and Vicki's been married her whole lifetime. I've been married for the second time, but last 25 years. If you were single, vic, what would you look for in a silver fox?
Speaker 1:Well, before I start looking for that, I'd probably go to a nunnery. I don't remember what it's like to have to impress someone or be with someone, but if I were to look for someone, it would really have to be someone like the man I'm married to, because he's been so wonderful all these years. The only change that I would make is that he was a billionaire absolutely loaded. Aha, so that? So you'd only want money, absolutely loaded, so that you'd only want money. Money would be probably more important than anything else, only because I would like to fulfill some of the dreams I had about travel that I wasn't able to, and I'd also like to rent a yacht and spend summers in europe and, and most importantly, be able to donate to the charities that I love so much. That really to me.
Speaker 2:So you have champagne taste on a beer budget.
Speaker 1:Yeah, kind of, I always kind of pick the most expensive thing out of a crowd of whatever. But donating to charities I love is really important to me, and if I ever won the lottery which I won't because I don't play that would be where a good chunk of my money went, because there are so many good organizations and, in view of the way funds are being cut off from certain things, I would want to empower myself by doing that and helping someone else. What about you?
Speaker 2:Well, I just turned 75. So I would look for a 90 year old who had one foot on a banana peel and the other one in the grave. What about the will? Well, he'd have to have I agree with you Dead children, oh God, or children that live in another country. No, I also. I would look for somebody who was financially secure so I wouldn't have to worry. I mean because that's really that's the only thing. We're old enough to know that money doesn't buy you good health. That's true.
Speaker 2:But it just makes you worry less about what happens as you get older, exactly. But, since we have our little rock mausoleums Right. We're all set, we don't have to worry. We have our own death benefits.
Speaker 1:Really, I have to decide too how we're going to decorate the spot. A little lamp? Well, remember, we're on opposite sides of the road, I know. That's why we need a lamp to find each other.
Speaker 2:We actually should get a little nameplate.
Speaker 1:I know we should.
Speaker 2:Yes, absolutely so let's say you started dating. You know a wealthy guy, yeah, what would you think would be a good first date? Date?
Speaker 1:I think, based on the fact that I am so neurotic, I would have to meet in public for coffee oh, absolutely the first. You know that would be the first thing and then decide whether there was a beer belly involved or no. Teeth or hair coming out of the nose and ears, you know that kind of thing. Go on other than that, um I.
Speaker 2:I do say that to my husband all the time when he gets a haircut. Yeah, make sure you whirl. Yeah, so I call it the world. That's perfect. My father had so much nose hair, it was like a forest.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you could braid it right, it was terrible but anyway oh yes, that's totally gross. So that would not be a Bentley, okay. But if you had a Bentley, could you overlook the nose hair.
Speaker 1:Only if I put up a screen in between them. But the Bentley sounds nice because it's like my dream car, but I think basically it would have to be someone that I had a connection with and seemed to be just a good, decent person. Right, because that is truly one of the most important things and the second important thing for me actually it's almost the most important must have a sense of humor.
Speaker 2:Oh, of course yeah, we could not be with anybody.
Speaker 1:No, that doesn't or not appreciate our sense of humor, and for me, a bad first date would be taking me to meet his children and I agree with that.
Speaker 2:That would not, that would not. I want to be wind and dime.
Speaker 1:Yes yes, and you know, at our age people are not.
Speaker 2:they're not going bowling anymore. No, maybe golfing. No, that's another topic, unless you want me to golf in high heels. Oh no, like my cousin did.
Speaker 1:That's crazy yeah she did. She had shorts on and a top and high heels and she was golfing.
Speaker 2:I hope that her clubs were long enough. Everything was long enough, yeah.
Speaker 1:I can believe that, oh my God.
Speaker 2:Otherwise, I think dinner a nice dinner. I mean, there are some lovely restaurants.
Speaker 1:Absolutely Upscale. I don't know how young people afford to eat in these restaurants now. I don't either at all.
Speaker 2:But I would like to get to know somebody, and I think that that's the way.
Speaker 1:I totally agree and someplace where it's a little more intimate and a little less noisy, which again brings in the fact that we're old and we don't like noise anymore.
Speaker 2:And most older men have an issue with hearing Right.
Speaker 1:So we would have to be screaming. I know Hearing and processing. Did you ever look at?
Speaker 2:a couch. I mean we get together all the time, you and I, with all of our friends, and we have a great group of friends.
Speaker 1:Yes, we do.
Speaker 2:But sometimes, when everybody's sitting in my den, I look at the men because they tend to sit together and I say to myself prostate, prostate, heart hernia, prostate again. I mean, if you think about this atrial, fib Right.
Speaker 1:But the women tend to be healthier for the most part, you know.
Speaker 2:they say you know why men die first? Because they want to.
Speaker 1:Because they want to.
Speaker 2:I see our technician is doing a little chuckle over there while he's listening to us.
Speaker 1:Actually, that was a joke, a Jewish joke. Why do Jewish men want to die? Because they want to. Why do they die before their lives?
Speaker 2:I know, Because they want to.
Speaker 1:Because they want to.
Speaker 2:I know.
Speaker 1:I have a really great joke about that, which I should tell. A man was at a cemetery crying why did you die? Why did you die? Absolutely hysterical. And another man walked over to him and said oh, I see you're so upset, you must have missed her. He said no, this is my wife's first husband.
Speaker 2:Well, my newest joke. I'm sure that I told you this. A man walks into a doctor's office and the doctor says John, your results show that you have Tom Jones syndrome. And he said Tom Jones syndrome. That doesn't sound familiar, is it common? It's not unusual, it's still funny. It's still funny. It's clean, but it's funny.
Speaker 1:But anyway back to dating.
Speaker 2:Back to dating yes, would you rather get married again? No, I know, I said that only to you. Well, we're gonna be you're gonna be buds in the home.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you're gonna be you're actually gonna be my first date, so where would you like to?
Speaker 2:go. I always wanted to try a girl at least once before I died.
Speaker 1:If we can still remember where anything is and how to get there.
Speaker 2:You know, I said I wouldn't get married again. Also, I was divorced two weeks before I remarried. So I shot that one to hell. Yes, you did, but I wouldn't get married again.
Speaker 1:But you know, every experience that we have does make us either stronger or kills us. So we are two very strong people. No, we are. One other thing, though, that I must say for a date with a new guy, I would like to see that he was a good dresser, that he didn't dress like an old fud.
Speaker 2:You know what turns me off? What If you ever see a guy who's nice looking but he's got like a stain on the shirt and that's all you can look at.
Speaker 1:That's right, like the commercial where you used to see the stain. That's right. We should bring a little spray bottle of bleach I could. I know that would bother me, but that's an indication that he doesn't have a woman taking care of him. That is true, because you and I would never let that happen, and we'll leave you with this. Remember age is mind over matter.
Speaker 2:If you don't mind, it doesn't matter.